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Chapter 4.

Wilf.

The Maggoty Motleys have to give up their delicious tea – rat.

Wilf stares at the woman who his mistresses have grabbed hold of and carried down to the dark rooms they are hiding in.  She is underfed and dressed from head to foot in black.  Just like The Black Widow really, except her nails and lips are daubed with what looks like blood and she has spider’s legs stuck on the top lid of her eyelashes.  Her hair is as black as the ravens which circle their home so he knows that she is definitely one of them.  He watches as she struggles against The Warthog, hisses at The Peacock and spits at The Black Widow.  They leave go of the woman but make a circle around her.

“Nobody treats Rita Vamp like this and I know who you are.” Rita Vamp points a long claw at each of them in turn.  The Warthog orders the other two to bind her up but Rita Vamp does a little jump and crosses her arms in the air against them.

“Touch me and you get it.”  She does another little jump, this time accompanied by a kick from the hip in the direction of The Black Widow.  The Black Widow’s eyes become like red coals and she starts to champ at her lips as she declares that she will have to bring the poison out if they can’t land her in the next few minutes.

Rita Vamp laughs, struts towards The Warthog and then pokes her in her chest.

“As for you, beautiful – not!  I have never seen such a bad disguise in all my life.  As if anybody is really as ugly as that.”  Rita Vamp grabs hold of The Warthog’s bristles on her chin and tries to pull them off.  She pulls and pulls until she is red in the face.  Finally, she stops and she looks over  The Warthog’s face.

“All right, so you do look like that, I’ll put you in a book.  Joke’s over, my fans are waiting to see me perform.”  She tries to walk away from the three sisters but is grabbed by the arms and dragged backwards into a leather chair, the type that spins around.  She sits in the chair facing the sisters.

“All right, I will admit to putting superglue on the seat of Claudia Tutu’s toilet.” She looks down at her nails and flecks them as if she is getting ready to use them.  “Tell her I will pay for the treatment for the new skin on the back of her legs and bottom.  Now can I go?”  She tries to stand up but The Warthog pushes her back down.

“Okay, I will pay for the damage to the hotel bathroom as well.” Rita looks slyly from one sister to the other and then stands up with her arms held out wide.

“It wasn’t me who let the newspaper photographer in the loo whilst she was stuck on it, I promise you.” The Warthog pushes Rita Vamp back down and orders the other two to bind her up as she pulls a huge roll of heavy duty, black Sellotape from her vast pockets.  She hands the end of the roll to Wilf who sticks a piece on the back of the chair and then starts to run around it with the tape.  The Warthog pulls another roll of heavy duty, black Sellotape from another vast pocket and hands it to The Black Widow who also sticks a piece on the back and starts to circle the chair with the Sellotape.  The Warthog pulls yet another roll of heavy duty, black Sellotape from yet another vast pocket and hands it to The Peacock who joins in with the others in binding Rita Vamp up as tightly as the Egyptian mummy, Wilf saw on one of their other jobs.  Rita Vamp is screaming that she is glad that Claudia Tutu has got a sore bum.  The Warthog sighs the sigh which means that they have a troublesome job on which calls for the special four roll treatment.  When The Warthog puts her hand in her pocket and brings out yet another roll of Sellatape, Rita Vamp starts hissing like a tom cat ready for a fight.

“What do you want?” 

The Black Widow does not answer but finishes her roll of tape and then drops the empty reel to the floor.  She puts her hand down her bosom and brings out a large, brown dead rat which she stares at lovingly.

“I was saving this for tea, but I’d rather go hungry than listen to you.” She shoves the rat in Rita Vamp’s mouth as a gag.

When all the reels are empty and Rita Vamp’s body cannot be seen for the black, Sellotape cocoon, the group stand back to admire their work and The Warthog proudly announces that it is the best job they’ve done since the gossiping minstrel in The Elizabethan Era.  The Black Widow sniffs loudly.

“Shame about our tea.”  She sniffs the long rat tail which is dangling from Rita Vamp’s mouth and gives it a quick lick.  Wilf notices The Warthog look at her sister with a tear in her eye.

“You’ve always been the kind one of the family.  Always giving up your own things for others.”  She puts out her hand and pats her sister on the shoulder. 

“Never mind sister let’s go and mingle, they might have something for you to eat in this coaching house.”  The Warthog trundles away and her sisters follow but Wilf turns his head to see Rita Vamp struggling and trying to scream through the rat in her mouth.  She frightens him even when she is tied up so he quickly follows his mistress.  As he catches her up, he asks if he will be getting anything to eat and The Warthog turns, looks at him and smiles which makes Wilf relax and then she whacks him around the head.

“All you think of is your stomach.  You never see me or my two beautiful sisters here succumbing to gluttony, do you?”  The Warthog waves a hand towards her sisters as if to demonstrate who they are and they bow their heads gracefully as if in a royal court. 

“We are staying here for the time being, boy.  I can feel it in my water that we will be called on again.  I can’t afford to turn down good work.  That’s what puts all the delicious food into your mouth that I’m always forced to feed you with.” The Warthog slaps Wilf around the head again whilst The Peacock tries to lift her head in surprise that they are staying.  She turns to The Black Widow who also looks surprised when The Warthog nods proudly her bosom heaving.

“I think I have done well for you, sisters.  Can you not smell the whiff of opportunity mixed with the strong sweet odour of sugar?”  The Warthog nods her head and then breaks into a walrus grin.

“Yes sisters, cakes!” The Warthog waddles in the direction of the coffee lounge.

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• Will Blyton and The Maggoty Motleys – Chapter Two. (willblyton.com)
• Will Blyton and The Maggoty Motleys – Chapter One. (willblyton.com)
• Will Blyton and The Maggoty Motleys – Chapter Three. (willblyton.com)
• Prologue – Will Blyton and The Maggoty Motleys (loonyliterature.com)
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