Groaningsea Gazette Editor, Reporter and Coffee Boy.
Gobber’s Joke Shop has graced Groaningsea’s back streets since anyone can remember. Gobber is Groaningsea and Groaningsea is Gobber. We have to ask ourselves why is Groaningsea, and now Gobber, being targeted by the mob?
To understand the intensity of this crime we must realise that it is not one single crime which Gobber has been victim of but a catalogue of them. Regular readers will remember Ambrose Pimple, head crime consultant of the Groaningsea Gazette, dutifully reporting how Gobber suffered crime in the past. For new readers of the Groaningsea Gazette, who we hope will become regular readers, let me explain.
Being the principle joke shop owner of Groaningsea, well actually, he’s the only joke shop owner of Groaningsea, Gobber feels it is his duty to be a role model to his young customers. As fresh air and exercise is the order of the day for a healthy mind and body, Gobber does a daily jaunt on the promenade. Gobber’s celebrity status in this small town means that during the school holidays he is accompanied by his fans spurring him on.
On the unfortunate day of the first crime, some hard nosed criminal attached a sign onto the back of Gobber’s anorak. The sign read :
Gobber smells. Yell if, you agree.
Consequently, a shouting mob stampeded the promenade with Gobber in front believing his own personal charisma was causing the racket. Not that Gobber doesn’t have personal charisma, you understand. Top crime correspondent, Ambrose Pimple charged through the crowd, whipped his windcheater off, flung it over Gobber’s head and made for the Drowning Fish Café. Peace soon ensued but there was more to follow.
The next attack on the unfortunate Gobber was the advertisement in the Groaningsea Gazette. A ruthless criminal masqueraded as Gobber and placed an advert in this very newspaper. We have to be dealing with the professional underworld, otherwise how would the fake advert have gotten past Doris the cleaning lady who sells advertising space on her day off? The advert, which looked very impressive with our new style headings read GRAB FREE GOODIES AT GOBBERS. Derek Frisk, the local St John’s Ambulance man resuscitated Gobber as his shelves emptied.
A wooden "roller" type rolling pin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Gobber wishes to warn the underworld that he has now taken arms and his mother Mavis is hiding in the back of the shop with her rolling pin and length of elastic, ready for action.